Such as simple vice to have.
While trying to find different ones over the years there is still nothing that compares to it.
Watching the emotion behind their eyes, the way they try to hide a smile and keep down the glee, seeing each second pass correlate with an influx of colour to the cheeks, the secrets they tell that will forever be mine.
Spending time with people, talking to them, telling them things they thought no one else know, almost as if you’re reading their mind, gaining their trust, admiration, respect, attraction and occasionally in some even their love.
No other vice has ever tasted so sweet.
Once all the parlour tricks and simple psychology are done everything is soon to fade, because I knew, just as they did, all I was, all I ever will be is a quick fix. Like a drug, the immediate effect is intoxicating and addictive but it never lasts long and once faded all that is left is the truth; what they once held in high regards is the worst thing for them.
It’s quite sad really, there isn’t much to people, not really.
Behind the outward the internal is lacking, almost as if they gave up half way and became content with never wanting anymore.
Over they years there have been only a handful of people who lingered in the mind, but like me they had some vicious demons from the past that they just couldn’t let go of. The stories heart breaking, yet they plodded along as if all was fine because no one wanted to know anymore or explore what was their truth.
I knew these people were like me, they all ran once they realised they’d opened up and I can’t blame them because it’s exactly what I would do.
Always running, moving from vice to vice to avoid my truth, and what a fucked up one that is.